Moving Forward

So Josh and I are still trying to make our new "home" a home.  Our partially finished/unfinished basement is already getting old.  It might also be that I'm tired of winter!  We have been feeling a little down because of that and the fact that our Adult Family Home License is taking FOREVER.  The State has had our application for 5 months.  Seriously, how much longer people.  This morning we woke up and decided that we should start working on our space by organizing and get everything ready to finish down here.  We dug right in and started going through our back storage room (soon to hopefully be Carson's room) and we got a page from our employee upstairs that the State Licensor is here.

Our employee was excited and we came bounding up the steps excited because we thought it was for our change of ownership process and we were finally getting licensed.  Nope, just the annual inspection.  BIG let down.  Although it was rather funny because the inspector had never seen that happy of a reaction before!  Thankfully she was very nice and it did give us practice for our big inspection.  But we were bummed and it reminded us, once again, that we are still in limbo waiting for our license.

Then I get a voice mail on my phone from the woman in government that had been working on our license and guess what!?  Things are finally moving forward.  We should hear from our state inspector in a week.  Lol.  Not sure why they couldn't have timed that out better.  We'll now be having two inspections in just a couple of weeks.  However, we are thrilled!  So excited to move forward and have all of our life changes pay off and also return to a more normal way of life...i.e...me being the stay-at-home mom (which we have all missed, including the hubbs).

This is all in perfect timing because I made an executive decision to change our schedule recently.  The new schedule is reducing our hours by quite a bit but we need to provide a life for our little guy, and I decided that burning ourselves out before becoming the official owners was a bad idea.  We're good at budgeting so I convinced Josh we could take it in the shorts until the license goes through.  Thankfully, or hopefully rather, that won't be very long!!!!  I'm so very thankful for a God that provides!  Looking forward to the future.

New Name!

So I changed the blog name and URL address.  I decided it was time since we are planning for more children and My Life With Carson didn't really fit anymore.  I chose the original blog name, My Life With Carson, to sort of journal how raising a high need child has changed us as parents and as individual people.  The new title, Simply Life (in Progress) was chosen to convey how we are continually changing and growing as parents and as individual people and how we are trying to do all that while keeping a simple life.  Simplicity has always been important to my hubby and I and it shapes our goals and dreams and how we raise our little guy.  Sticking to the basics of needs, and some wants, but mostly meaning home cooked meals, homemade bread, veggies from the garden, etc...  Trying our hardest not to be influenced by external superficial forces.  It can be tough and sometimes we are going to struggle and you will read about it but I will also be sharing our triumphs too. 

Our Life Lately

Along with new independence that Carson has gained since turning 2 has also come massive amounts of energy!  I have hardly been able to be online and I feel guilty because the only reason I am on right now is because Carson is being entertained by Thomas the train.  TV time seems to be the only time Mom gets peace and quiet.  I have limited it and I'm pretty strict about how much TV he watches, but I feel bad pushing him off to the electronic babysitter. 



I'm trying to adjust and find our healthy balance.  Mom can't work 24/7 despite what little boys think!  Although I'm feeling pretty good because Carson didn't wake up once last night...not even once.  Now, I went to bed late but even still I was able to get 7 straight hours of sleep which I haven't gotten since Carson was 4 months old.  Not sure if it will happen again anytime soon and I have no expectations.  I'm just grateful for a night to recuperation!

We have really been working on Carson's digestion.  He is still suffering from severe acid reflux and his doctor suggested an X-Ray of his internals to see if there is a kink causing problems.  I really don't want Carson to be exposed to more radiation since tiny bodies are more susceptible to it but I will if we have exhausted all other avenues.  We have been using Colic Calm, which is slightly different than regular gripe water and has claims of "curing" reflux.   I figured we would give it a shot along with a stricter diet.  It has seemed to help a bit so I am happy with that and .  I would like Carson's pain to end and for us all to be able to sleep at night! 

Winter Wonderland

I am loving this snow!  Maybe it has to do with the fact that we are now living in a warm house in which the heat doesn't fluctuate.  Watching the snow fall outside our windows is truly beautiful.  Plus I have really enjoyed playing in the snow with Carson attempting to build snowmen.  He doesn't understand the concept so he ends up just knocking them down.  Rather disappointing after spending 45 mins attempting to shape and sculpt one.  Oh and he thinks the stick arms are his toys so our snowmen have arms for about 3 seconds.
Since turning two, it's like Carson has taken a magic independent pill that suddenly gave him the ability to play on his own for a majority of the day.  Where'd my little guy go?  Okay, well he's still little and I am enjoying this new age.  He is such a character.  Oh and he's gotten completely Daddy obsessed which I know makes the hubs happy since he has watched Carson snuggle me for the last 2 years.  Whenever Josh would try to comfort Carson he would just get pushed away, poor Dad!  It broke his heart.  The other night Carson fell asleep in Daddy's arms which was the first time since Carson had become aware of who was holding him...so about since Carson was a few weeks old.  Let's just say he's enjoying the new spotlight.  Plus it gives me a little bit of a break!  

Another Heartbreaking Loss

I'm sitting here still in absolute shock.  Probably a shell of who I normally am.  Today I am no longer pregnant, my womb is empty and I feel that in the deepest part of my soul.  It's still hard to process.   During our scare Wednesday, Josh and I were praying and asking others to pray for a miracle for this baby.  We really felt this baby was meant to be here and had no doubt that God would indeed answer our prayers.  Wednesday, when we saw the baby's heart beat and the bleeding and cramping stopped, we thought we had received our miracle.  What I was experiencing seemed like a very minor complication.  Thursday morning I started spotting again.  It was light but concerned me so I called my OB and was told that there really isn't anything to worry about and that I may continue to spot for a few more days but then it should stop and call if it didn't.  The baby looked great on the ultrasound, don't worry about the baby, the baby is fine I was told.  Yet Friday afternoon,without much warning, I was holding our baby in my hand.  Then the physical pain hit which seemed backwards.  That's another tortuous thing about miscarriage.  It HURTS.  To me each miscarriage has felt like the equivalent to going through transition and it's almost worse  because there is no joyous ending to look forward to.  Today I am left with confusion because despite the correct levels of hormones, a seemingly healthy child, and a minor complication that was behind us, my body decided to shed the lining of my uterus which inevitably included our child.  Our first miscarriage was easier in the sense that the baby failed to thrive and passed away causing the miscarriage.  With this one, the baby was fine, yet my body miscarried it anyway.  Today I am just angry.  I want to throw my self on the ground like a toddler screaming this isn't fair!  Of course thoughts have gone through my mind of was it something I did?  I woke up this morning convinced it was the trans vaginal ultrasound because after the tech rammed my cervix with the equipment to get a good shot and not just once, I had a different form of cramping start which finally escalated on Friday.  But many pregnancies have survived such a thing and it probably just exacerbated what was already going on.  It's still hard not to wonder though.

Although I'm in shock and confused, I do have peace.  Carson had prophesied this baby.  Many times he lifted up my shirt, placed his chubby hand on my belly and said "baby."   That's why I took a test in the first place and was shocked to find it was positive.  Then when we went up front after church to ask for prayer and blessings for the pregnancy, the woman praying for me told me that she had absolute peace about this child and really felt it would be just fine.  I guess by God's standards this baby is just fine.  It's now in the perfect location, Heaven.  It's hard to be upset about that.

Josh was given great peace too and that has been really comforting.  His positiveness, yet perfect sympathy has been a great comfort.  We're being open about the fact that I need to grieve.  I'm a bottler.  It took me a year to cry about my Uncle's death and it's probably no coincidence that I started having panic attacks during that same time.  I'm going to let it hurt this time so that I can fully heal.   Carson has been a great comfort as well.  Knowing that I have a precious little child here with me makes this second miscarriage much easier to bear.  I'm hoping that eventually I'll have more babies here than in Heaven though.

Since having Carson, my hormone levels have gotten worse.  I even struggled with low estrogen which was very strange for me.  There are a lot of mysteries to figure out as far as my health is concerned and some we may never get figured out. It also seems to be centered around my very low temperature average of 95.9.  Supposedly, I can't even get pregnant with that low of a temp but we have been blessed with three pregnancies so we know that's not an issue.  Josh and I decided not to try again until I have a healthy temp of 98.6.  There will be some major life style changes going on to try and accomplish that including regular exercise (which will also be a great way to channel my present anger) and I am going to continue on with the massive diet change I made when I first found out I was pregnant. Plus I'll be going back to my naturopath to delve deeper into some possible hidden health concerns.  I was really excited to start posting topics about my journey with this pregnancy...choosing a new OB or midwife, birth plans, nutrition, interventions...etc.  Now I'm going to be posting about my journey to health and then hopefully about a successful pregnancy.  I would love it if my journey also helped to heal and inspire others.  

Carson's Life

Today it hit me how different of a life Carson is going to have living in an Adult Family Home.  This isn't our permanent solution, but we'll be here for at least a couple of years.  Plenty of time to influence his upbringing and create memories here that he will actually remember.  This morning he shared breakfast with a 90-year old Japanese woman.  Plain old cheerios but they smiled at each other while they ate and they had somewhat of a conversation with Carson's baby gibberish.  It melted my heart and made me question, how many other toddlers are doing this?  Probably a few, but not many.  I know that it will make his life so much more rich having empathy early on for our elderly.  Maybe that's why Josh has such a tender heart for the frail as well, because it started so young?  Besides panicking over dropped pills Carson might pick up and eat (I have become religious about sweeping and vacuuming) there really is no negative to this situation.  Josh and I both get to parent Carson.  That's another thing most toddlers don't get, both parents.  While I still do the majority of the "mothering" such as providing comfort, Daddy is here to go rough house and play outside with the water hose.  It makes me unbelievably happy that we have a way to not only support ourselves but be stay-at-home parents. It's not easy by any means, but well worth it.

Carson also has other sources of attention.  When he gets bored with us, he goes into the living room and hams it up for the grandmas and grandpas.  Thankfully everyone here loves children.  It seems to be good for the young and old alike to be together.   One of the grannies here, Josh's actual Grandma, can get a little unsteady but she also likes to wander.  Well whenever she starts to walk, we walk with her a ways before sitting her back down.  Josh and I were busy and I just here "mommy, mommy, mommy"  over and over in a very loud and anxious voice.  There Carson was standing in front of Grandma Allen pointing up at her slightly bouncing up and down.  He had positioned himself in a way so that she was unable continue walking.  He was alerting us that she was up and needed assistance.  It really amazed me.  When he helps me put the ladies to bed at night, he grabs gloves from the drawer and puts them on as we walk to their room just like mommy.  I couldn't have a better little helper.

I hope as time goes on he continues to see this living situation as an adventure like he seems to do now. 

I'm back!

Sorry for my absence. I was recently hacked. Some man in Indonesia was able to hack my email account and then change the password which locked me out of both my email and blogger account. It took me nearly a week to gain access again. Unfortunately right before my account was stolen I had changed my pay pal password. I change that one more regularly to be safe but it emailed my new password to me. So this guy was able to see that and gain complete access to our money. Thankfully he only made a few purchases and we have already been reimbursed for most of them. The odd and kind of idiotic thing was that Mr. Pratama (I hope you're reading this) was using my email address as his personal account with these transactions. Two of the purchases were for online hosting sites so Josh was able to log in and change those passwords so he can no longer have access. Ha! Because he used my email address we had his email address, IP address, and mailing address. We thought of sending him cookies laced with laxatives but then decided he probably wouldn't eat them anyway. I possibly could be opening myself up to more fraud by continuing to use this account but I just could not imagine starting from scratch. I might at some point, but not this week.

Are we really that Different?

Yes we are!  The difference between a man and a woman that is.  Sometimes I forget how different we are because we do have a lot in common.  Josh listens to my womanly woes and fulfills a lot of that emotional need for me.  However, I was reminded of our differences tonight as Josh and I were sitting on the couch together.  He was playing a video game called Red Dead Redemption.  It's a cowboy game where grown men get to pretend they're cowboys and gallop around a map of empty desert and tiny ghost towns and I'm sure they have missions of some sort.  It's actually pretty cool and if they had a chick character I might actually play it.  Anyway, getting to my point.  I was watching Josh play and marveling at how real the horse looks in its mannerisms.  I especially got excited when he slowed down and the horse started to trot and the rider actually posted a little to make the transition smooth.  As I was exclaiming and going on about how cool that was, Josh rides his horse  up to another cowboy, shoots him in the head, and then steals his horse.  I stop short and my jaw dropped.  It was so pretty I kind of forgot it was a video game.  My response was: "what the heck, why'd you have to kill him?"  His response..."Honey I needed a faster horse."  Me: "So you just shoot him, there was no other option?  You couldn't just kick him off his horse."  Josh:  "Nope, it's the only way and did you see how gray and sick my horse was?  I have to ride to Mexico, that wouldn't work with a slow horse. It would take me forever" I started to agree with his logic, as long as the game gave you no other option, but still feeling a little sad for the cowboy that didn't do anything and was unarmed.  Just after finishing our conversation, Josh rides up to his online gaming buddy, Josh's cousin's husband, and the first thing out of Josh's cousin's husband mouth is "I shot some guy and stole his horse so I could get here faster."  Then it hit me...God really made men differently.

Return of a decent bedtime?

Carson fell asleep before 8 tonight.  It was exactly 7:56 when his heavy lids closed.  Just had to share the great news!  We've been dealing with Carson running around like a crazy child until 9:30/10ish before he would finally crash.  That's been going on for the last two weeks.  Maybe he just had using the potty on his mind? I've heard that right before developmental milestones children have a hard time sleeping.  Whatever the reason, this is such a relief that maybe the tide has turned and we can once again resume our 8pm bedtime.  Josh and I have been missing our alone time together. 

Alright, that's all for now folks.  I'm logging off and then dancing with joy around the house! 

We're on our way!

We are on our way to becoming Adult Family Home owners.  We finished our required class today and now I just have to finish up stacks of paperwork and send it into the state for approval.  The process could take a couple months but Josh and I are crossing our fingers that it won't be that long, especially since we're being really careful about having all of our ducks in a row. 

It felt good to be done with the class.  It's been a long couple weeks and you can tell Carson is done with the crazy schedule changes and being away from home.  Josh and I were pretty excited since we know sooo much more now about running the business and for the first time we have confidence in the fact that we CAN do this!  And we can do this well.  Then we go to work and Josh gets yelled at for 30mins or more by a resident who is massively confused and I was taking Carson outside so he didn't here the yelling, I thought, okay why are we doing this?  Ah yes, to provide a good home for 4 elderly people that would be otherwise lost in the system without us and to provide for our family.  It reminded me that there will be trying days, just like in any other business, but it will have it's benefits too.  I love 3 of them dearly and I'm working on the 4th.  He's just a tad more prickly, but still worthy of love.  Isn't that what Christ came to teach us!?  Josh and I are excited to incorporate that into our business. 

Carrie, Haven't you learned?

This is what I was saying to myself after drinking a latte with regular milk this morning as I sauntered off to the bathroom...again.  How did I never notice this before?  I thought only Carson was lactose intolerant and through his diet, I learned I'm the one that started it.   I used to think I had something serious like IBS or Celiacs Disease.   Yet the entire time it was one simple culprit, dairy.  I've been taking thyroid medication and found out that apparently soy can interact with it's effects.  So I can no longer drink soy lattes and there is only one coffee shop that has rice milk and you have to go in to get it.  That's not easy to do when you're running late.  Josh and I were heading to our last day of class this morning, I was exhausted as usual, so I said what the heck milk once in awhile is fine, right?  I just got what I used to get, a 12oz vanilla latte.  Never again.  I think I finally got the message today.  It's not worth the pain.  I made up my mind during the process that if I want to continue to enjoy lattes, I will need to invest in an espresso machine and make them at home.  Which would save us financially and me physically. 

Missing my normal days

If I knew what was good for me, I'd be going to bed right now but since this is the first time I've been able to relax and think about something  other than adult family home related issues, I just can't help myself. 

We spent today in class again.  We learned a lot but I'm thankful we only have two more days left of this.  (Oh crap, I'm back to adult family home stuff, oh well).  It was rough dropping Carson off this morning at my mom's.  He was especially needy today and just wanted to snuggle with me.  I  would have much rather stayed home and just cuddled my little guy.  Although, he didn't seem to care once he saw we were at Grandma's and there were hoses to play with, mommy was chopped liver after that.  I'm thankful at least one of us are able to be home with him.  It would be hard if dropping him off somewhere was an everyday occurrence.  My heart goes out to those that don't have a choice. 

We are slowly making strides towards being adult family home owners.  Some days the mountain seems too high and we just won't be able to climb this one and other days, like today, it feels like we can conquer it despite some seemingly insurmountable challenges.  

A nice young couple looked at our home this weekend to possibly rent.  We're praying it works out.  We'd be down a few hundred a month still but it's better than double mortgages!  They would want to rent for a year and then maybe lease with option to purchase which would be perfect for us.  My husband calls me crazy but I would like to do some more fixing on the house before we officially sell.  I would feel bad selling with a bad roof and 60-year old furnace, even though the asking price would reflect these much needed repairs.  He reminds me that's the way we bought it.  Maybe I'm just worried that if we don't do it, the next owners won't do it either and the issues will just get worse with time until the damage has gone on for far too long and the house falls apart.  Melodramatic, I know, but I love this place and I want to sell it with it's best dress on so to speak.   I want to sell a piece of property that is worthy of being cherished.  It might be a pipe dream, but it's a goal of mine and I hope to see it come to fruition. 

It's amazing how once a mother those abilities and emotions that come with motherhood never fade.  Even when attacked by a disease like Alzheimer's. On Mother's Day I walked into our Grandma Ella's room to give her a hug and discovered that her daughter was visiting.  I had no idea she was going to be here for Mother's Day.  At first, I felt excitement because I was so happy that she had her daughter's companionship on that day, but as I looked closer Ella's daughter had her face burrowed into her mother's lap and her moving shoulders were giving away what she was trying to hide, the fact that she was sobbing relentlessly.  Recently she lost her two only brothers, Grandma's two boys.  One expected and a week later, one unexpected.   She came to be comforted by her mother.  Which also brings forth the pain of no longer having her same mother to be comforted by.  At least on the outside.  This is a mother who can no longer speak more than a few sensible words and who constantly has her toes pointed in the air.  A far cry from the spirited and vibrant women she once knew.  Grandma Ella is suffering from Alzheimer's.  Her's was a fast and severe deterioration.  You would think there was nothing left of that same woman, but as I looked at Grandma Ella's face,  seeing her red-rimmed eyes brimming with tears spoke a different story.  She made eye contact as slowly a tear slid down her face and gave me a look that painfully asked why?  Unable to tell her, I started crying as well.  My heart breaking for the woman trapped inside her own body, suffering the pain of her daughter as if it was her own even though she was unaware of the why.  Comforting her daughter the only way she can, silently patting her shoulder with tears streaming down her aged face.  Now that I am a mother, I understand that deep desire to take on our child's suffering.  How each time my child is hurting,  I wish I could suffer instead and the inability to do so only brings on a new form of pain.  This perspective has given me more empathy toward what God goes through on a daily basis. That is what showed on sweet Grandma Ella's face.  We are keeping her sons' deaths a secret.  We don't want to force her to endure a pain she would have to silently bear.  She may have holes in her brain, but she is still there, no holes in her heart.   Still the loving mother with a deep passionate heart for her children.

Taking Life by the Horns

Josh and I have made the recent discovery that we have been letting ourselves be the victims of our own lives.  With each new responsibility and stress that has come along, we have added it to the already long list of burdens presently resting on our shoulders.  It has been making us feel more and more weak until finally we felt like depression was setting in.  We both thought how can we handle this?  I was becoming short tempered, the house was miserable because of it.  Thankfully at church this last Sunday our Pastor said exactly what we needed to hear.  It wasn't even the sermon subject.  He briefly mentioned that we can overcome.  This simple statement changed everything.  It woke me up to the reality that even though stressful events have been thrust upon us, it doesn't have to be stressful.  It's all in our perspective of the situation and our attitude regarding the circumstance.   Once this hit home,  my shoulders started rising and I felt 5 inches taller.  I can overcome this season!  I can overcome my attitude, exhaustion, depression,  and sleepless nights.  This was exactly what we needed to hear to get over ourselves!

So we are now taking life by the horns and ramming it into submission ;).   A new challenge, ok, bring it! We'll show you how gracefully we can overcome.

Caffeine Withdrawal

I just finished snuggling my baby boy to sleep and laid him down in our bed.  It felt good cuddling him.  No matter how long it takes me to get him to go to sleep I love the peace that comes when I watch him sleeping in my arms.  It always amazes me how fast the frustrations from the day fades away.

Tonight, however, I was able to get him down for sleep by 8pm, which is technically his bed time, but it doesn't always work out like we plan.  Since I am soooo exhausted today, it was a blessing.

I boycotted coffee this morning.  It was a spontaneous decision and my day went rather well despite the fact that I am fully addicted to caffeine.  I drank some green tea this morning to help combat the withdrawal headache and it did dull it some, but not completely.  It felt good to take this step because I have been wanting to for a long time now.  During Carson's pregnancy I stopped caffeine cold turkey and didn't pick it up again until he was about 6 months old and quickly became addicted to the effects like I had never had a break from it at all.

Well, this morning I realized that yesterday I had used my last packet of Starbucks Via and I just didn't feel like brewing a cup. Then I decided that by golly, I'm just going to be done with coffee all together.  I like the way I feel in the morning after a cup of joe, I'm ready to attack my day.  The downside is that I hate needing it to get started and then I especially hate the crash a few hours later.  I also hate to be addicted to something.

I know this is going to be healthier for me and any future pregnancy but I'm already dreading another morning without it.  Thankfully this should only last for a few days and hopefully I'll remember exactly how I feel now if I ever want to start drinking coffee again.

Teething - I hate you!

Why must teething last so long!?  I'm thankful Carson is developing molars because I am really tired of him swallowing his food whole.   However, this process has been long and exhausting for the whole family.  After three weeks of a few molars attempting to come through, they finally broke free.  Hopefully that means this round of teething will soon be over and we can have a break (please God!).

Today, Carson had to be held the entire day.  Even washing my face was a challenge.  Our lack of sleep has just gotten worse (poor hubby almost fell asleep at work).  I've already decided that tomorrow, I will be getting a double shot in my rice milk latte.  Thank goodness I'm not preggers yet! 

Today was also a growing experience.  I finally stopped worrying about what Carson was keeping me from doing and sat my bum on the couch and just cuddled him, caressed his face, and played with his hair.  It felt pretty darn good too.  The stress of getting our home perfectly clean and the laundry folded melted away.  I was able to just dissolve into that moment with my child and comfort away the pain from his swollen gums. 

This was something I had been fighting for days now.  I was putting my "chores" before my very own son.  How many things do we put before our children each day and not even realize it?  What about our spouses? From now on, I'm going to be paying a little more attention to the details of life instead of my polished furniture.

Elimination Diet Part 2

We are on to the no wheat part of our elimination diet.   Cutting out dairy was a piece of cake compared to this!  We have only been doing this since last Thursday and we have already had to resort to eating wheat a couple of times.

We ate at Subway trying to be healthy and when the Subway employee asked me what kind of bread I wanted, I froze.  Crap, I didn't think this one through.  I stood there processing options in my brain.  Could I say no bread?  No, that would be weird, what would they put all the toppings on.  Maybe there is a bread that would have less wheat, no, not really.  Okay, I'll just chose whatever and then toss the bread aside after we get ready to eat our sandwiches.  "Okay, I want honey oat."  You could tell the employee was a little peeved.

There are so many wheat alternatives like oat flour, barley flour, rice flour, and much much more.  It all requires to be made at home though.  So we've done fine in our own kitchen, it's just tough when we go out.  It has forced us to eat in more often however and that's a good thing.

We also went to dinner at a buffet with friends the other night and for some reason it was dairy and wheat night.  Almost every entree they had to choose from either had diary or wheat.  I was feeding Carson chicken and green beans but finally did give him some bites of other stuff because how bland is that!  Well, we paid for it.  Carson immediately had diarrhea and it continued through part of the next day.  I can't believe how sensitive he is.  Not just to diary and wheat, but to processed foods in general.

I am using this amazing cookbook called The Whole Foods Allergy Cookbook by Cybele Pascal.  I love it!  It's great to use even if you don't have allergies.  Most of the recipes are wholesome, healthy, and easy plus she has a section of more gourmet recipes as well.  All of her pastries and deserts are made without sugar and she uses healthier substitutes like honey.   This is going to be a cookbook that I use a lot.

With all these changes, it is still hard to tell whether it is helping Carson's nighttime sleep.  For the last three weeks he has had a stuffy nose which gets worse at night and makes it hard to breathe, which of course wakes him up.  Plus he's cutting about 5 molars right now and has for the last several weeks.  (He is such a slow teether!)  With all of that going on it's sort of clouding the results of the diet change.  I'm hoping for some positive results soon.

God's Curve Ball

We have been flipped upside down, backwards, and side ways and maybe we're still upside down. All I know is I'm hanging on for dear life. It's amazing how you can have things all planned out and then God throws you a curve ball. This time we didn't see it coming and got smacked in the face and now we are holding an ice pack to our cheek while processing what the heck just happened.

This isn't because His plan is bad. God's plans are never bad. It's because His plan is so perfect we are in shock. I see it so clearly now. I see every little and big thing that He has done over the last year to bring us to this point. Really the only word I can presently say that expresses how I am feeling is - wow. There are some things in this plan that we are having a harder time with. Which is the fact that we will most likely be selling our tiny home. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes. We just painted the living room and now more than ever it feels like a place of refuge.

I've never leaned on God so much in my life. I do believe that during the last few months, God has been using our experiences to grow and refine us. We have never been under so much stress and I'm pretty sure we both have ulcers now, but the process has drawn us closer to Him. We are on the same path, just on a much smaller and less stressful scale. I'll share more details later as we try and figure everything out.  One thing is for certain, God's plans are always better than our own.

A Process

You know Carson has digestion issues when after Josh changes a dirty diaper and then stands there intently staring at it, I ask him if there is something moving in it. Honestly, I wouldn't rule out any possibilities at this point.

In all seriousness, his digestion is getting better. Although, it is hard to tell if it's effecting his sleep yet since he is massively teething and presently has a cold. Just from cutting out diary, his diarrhea has vanished. Woohoo! We know he's probably sensitive to other foods so we'll be carrying on with the elimination diet. This next week we'll be cutting out wheat and corn. We have a hunch that he's actually allergic to soy which sucks because it's in EVERYTHING.

Dairy has been fairly easy to cut out. I hadn't missed it all that much until I got stressed out yesterday and desperately wanted to guzzle a glass of milk. Never thought of milk as comfort food, but I suppose it probably is. Especially since our first experiences with milk in the form of breast milk or formula are comforting, not jut nourishing.

This has been a really healthy time for us. We're eating more whole foods than ever before. I will also be picking up a cook book for people with allergies and I'm honestly tempted to start by cooking cover to cover. I've never done that before and it seems like it would be a fun challenge! Plus it would help us avoid more of the allergy prone foods. It's tough coming up with recipes that have no dairy. Pretty much all of my casseroles have gone bye-bye. Thankfully since there are so many substitutions, it has made cooking fairly easy.

I'm excited to get Carson's allergy problem solved. Unfortunately it's not the quick fix I had always been dreaming of.

Little Prayer

Thank you Lord for the sunshine this morning. You knew I needed it after the night we had with Carson. It was the third night of barely any sleep. That sunshine gave me energy to continue on with my day. Although sunshine is nice, Lord, could you pretty please help Carson to sleep through the night? Give us wisdom to find the culprit in his food so his digestion no longer bothers him. Also, I know every parent goes through this but Father, Carson is teething right now. He has a tooth up top that's giving him a lot of trouble and that coupled with no sleep has brought me to my breaking point. Thank you today for the sight of watching my baby boy eat strawberries and fake whip cream. It's by far the cutest thing I've ever seen. It rallied my spirits enough that I think I might make it through another night of no sleep. After all, you have gotten me to 16 months and I know with your strength I could handle much more. Thank you Lord for listening to my woes, especially since I know others out there have it much worse. Amen.