I smacked Carson's little hand twice yesterday and I so desperately wish he could understand my heartfelt apology. He understood my hug that followed but it would have felt good to have heard "I forgive you mom."
I acted out of frustration and the desire to stop the behavior fast. The first time was at the park when he was shoving fistfuls of rocks in his mouth. Not just once, over and over again. Hiding under the play gym to eat them thinking I wouldn't see. He was trying to swallow and refusing to spit them out, I was scared and frustrated so I took his hand and smacked it. What did he do? His mouth went rigid and still and he looked down at his hand and back up at me with sad eyes. He didn't understand. Did it stop his behavior, absolutely not. I had a harder time getting those rocks out after I smacked him than before.
The second time was at a friends house. He was eyeballing their wine rack which he knows to leave alone. I could see him pacing back and forth thinking about touching that tempting glass. He walked backwards, did a spin and came back to them. Finally, he reached out with one little finger and I said no. Instead of stopping, he frantically grabbed a glass and tried to bang it against the other glasses decoratively hanging there. I ran over, grabbed his hand...and smacked it. Did he stop or learn a lesson? Nope. He immediately ran to the other side of the wine rack and tried banging those other glasses against each other. So instead this time, I put him in time out. Did this stop his behavior? Yes.
So many times I act out of frustration with Carson. He doesn't need short-tempered reactions to grow. He needs consistency, a steady heart, and patience. He needs to learn that this action equals this consequence, not frustrated outbursts from mom. It can be a challenge with such a lively child. He never stops moving and eventually, I just get tired. My patience gets depleted. Although, I know I can muster more. My exhaustion is an excuse to my quick reactions. I spent extra time in God's words last night because one of the best ways I know of learning patience is from our very own creator. I also know knowledge is power and practice makes perfect. The more times I discipline Carson correctly, the more it will become second nature.
Showing posts with label Discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Discipline. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Limit Setting
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. ~Proverbs 29:17
Since Carson suddenly became a toddler (it seriously happened overnight)I had a hard time adjusting from baby angelic behavior to all the sudden testing the limits. He developed a new look that he would give me when he was being mischievous and he started hitting me when he felt like he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. It was a shock and took me a couple of months to adjust. During that time I was reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. I had read his book The Happiest Baby on the Block and loved it so I thought for a book on disciplining toddlers, I would start with an author I trusted. He had some good ideas in his book and over the last month or so I have putting them into practice. I went from feeling out of control to feeling like now there is a healthy balance. In his book, Dr. Karp, mostly encourages you to prevent the bad behavior in the fist place by spending adequate time with your child and praising wanted behavior and doing what's called "filling the meter." He also has some other great tips that help, but it's not going to prevent everything.
Things I had been putting up with because Carson was only a toddler with no self-control, I realized could be stopped. It was a marvelous feeling! Dr. Karp suggests that hitting and biting should be instant consequences, no warnings for those behaviors and pick one other family rule that is an instant consequence. Well our family rule quickly became no throwing gravel into the yard. This had been an issue where I was constantly saying no and then picking up the gravel as he threw it and getting frustrated. Then I stopped, did a quick head smack, and said "what the heck am I doing?" I picked up Carson took him inside, closed the slider glass door and went back outside myself. He had a melt down, but it only lasted a minute and once he calmed down, I let him outside to play again and he hasn't thrown the gravel since. That was three weeks ago! Not everything is going to go that smoothly, but I realized for the benefit of both of us, I really needed to set limits and I could do it without getting angry or spanking. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that someday he's going to be a man and I want him to be a responsible man, a loving husband, and a good father, and that process starts now.
Since Carson suddenly became a toddler (it seriously happened overnight)I had a hard time adjusting from baby angelic behavior to all the sudden testing the limits. He developed a new look that he would give me when he was being mischievous and he started hitting me when he felt like he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. It was a shock and took me a couple of months to adjust. During that time I was reading The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. I had read his book The Happiest Baby on the Block and loved it so I thought for a book on disciplining toddlers, I would start with an author I trusted. He had some good ideas in his book and over the last month or so I have putting them into practice. I went from feeling out of control to feeling like now there is a healthy balance. In his book, Dr. Karp, mostly encourages you to prevent the bad behavior in the fist place by spending adequate time with your child and praising wanted behavior and doing what's called "filling the meter." He also has some other great tips that help, but it's not going to prevent everything.
Things I had been putting up with because Carson was only a toddler with no self-control, I realized could be stopped. It was a marvelous feeling! Dr. Karp suggests that hitting and biting should be instant consequences, no warnings for those behaviors and pick one other family rule that is an instant consequence. Well our family rule quickly became no throwing gravel into the yard. This had been an issue where I was constantly saying no and then picking up the gravel as he threw it and getting frustrated. Then I stopped, did a quick head smack, and said "what the heck am I doing?" I picked up Carson took him inside, closed the slider glass door and went back outside myself. He had a melt down, but it only lasted a minute and once he calmed down, I let him outside to play again and he hasn't thrown the gravel since. That was three weeks ago! Not everything is going to go that smoothly, but I realized for the benefit of both of us, I really needed to set limits and I could do it without getting angry or spanking. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that someday he's going to be a man and I want him to be a responsible man, a loving husband, and a good father, and that process starts now.
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