Saturday, July 24, 2010

In Honor of my Wonderful Hubby on our 6th Aniversary

Thank you for six years of marriage and almost nine years of loving me dearly.  Over the past six years, we have shared our ups and downs but what amazes me is that we have come out stronger on the other side.  I appreciate our commitment and understanding that love is not only a choice but something that needs to continually be tended to. We have both gone through our share of pruning over the time of our marriage but that has enabled us to bear strong, healthy fruit. I feel that strength each time we laugh together, each time we embrace one another, and each time we just talk.

Anytime I get frustrated or we seem to be bickering a lot,  I think back to our past.  How we got started as a couple and I fall in love with you all over again.  I think back to the first time you kissed me and how shocked I was.  Not so much by the fact that you kissed me, although that was a little shocking, but how strong the butterflies were. I had them for days.  It was an amazingly tender kiss. After that first kiss, I knew one day I would marry you.  You stole my heart right there on my front porch.  It turned a friendship into a life-long love. For years I asked you to kiss me like you first kissed me.  I'm sure you remember that. 

Then, there was your car.  I can't see a white 1997 Toyota Avalon without thinking of us being teenagers together.  Cruising around listening to music, stealing kisses, and burning time because we didn't want to go home and be apart. I swear we lived in that car.   I remember having tears in my eyes after it died and we sold it for scraps.  I just sat in the passenger seat and looked around the place where so many memories happened.  Thankfully we never made any serious mistakes in that car, it came close, but the Lord kept us from being tempted beyond what we could handle. I'm glad we got to be young together, to have no worries or cares in the world.  Much different than now. 

Then after three and a half years of dating, we were finally married.  It was a rocky start.  We had some communication skills to learn, but those trials put the building blocks in place for a stronger and healthier marriage.  Then we experienced the loss of our first baby together.   It was the first time I had ever seen you cry.  I'm so grateful that you have honored and loved our "peanut" as much as I have.  I still miss our first little one and I know you do as well.  However, had we not lost that little baby, we would not have Carson.   We now have a bundle of energy and joy.  Carson has never been a text book baby or anything like our friend's children.  He has been entirely a person of his own character.  Even though he can drain us sometimes (like not going to bed until 10 or 11).  He also has a soft and tender heart that makes us both melt.  I appreciate how involved you are in his life and how supportive you have been of my "style" of parenting.  It has been different from our peers and our first ideas but now we are seeing that it was right for Carson.  Plus he is soooo darn cute!  We made one adorable, handsome, and amazingly kissable child. 

I love that I get to continue on this journey with you.  I'm praying that we get to be old and gray together.  That we continue to love each other more as each year goes by and we continually learn how to better fulfill each other as spouses.

I love you honey more than words can say.  You have stolen my whole heart and I'm grateful that you tend to it so sweetly.  Thanks for being wonderfully you.


Your Wife

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Are we really that Different?

Yes we are!  The difference between a man and a woman that is.  Sometimes I forget how different we are because we do have a lot in common.  Josh listens to my womanly woes and fulfills a lot of that emotional need for me.  However, I was reminded of our differences tonight as Josh and I were sitting on the couch together.  He was playing a video game called Red Dead Redemption.  It's a cowboy game where grown men get to pretend they're cowboys and gallop around a map of empty desert and tiny ghost towns and I'm sure they have missions of some sort.  It's actually pretty cool and if they had a chick character I might actually play it.  Anyway, getting to my point.  I was watching Josh play and marveling at how real the horse looks in its mannerisms.  I especially got excited when he slowed down and the horse started to trot and the rider actually posted a little to make the transition smooth.  As I was exclaiming and going on about how cool that was, Josh rides his horse  up to another cowboy, shoots him in the head, and then steals his horse.  I stop short and my jaw dropped.  It was so pretty I kind of forgot it was a video game.  My response was: "what the heck, why'd you have to kill him?"  His response..."Honey I needed a faster horse."  Me: "So you just shoot him, there was no other option?  You couldn't just kick him off his horse."  Josh:  "Nope, it's the only way and did you see how gray and sick my horse was?  I have to ride to Mexico, that wouldn't work with a slow horse. It would take me forever" I started to agree with his logic, as long as the game gave you no other option, but still feeling a little sad for the cowboy that didn't do anything and was unarmed.  Just after finishing our conversation, Josh rides up to his online gaming buddy, Josh's cousin's husband, and the first thing out of Josh's cousin's husband mouth is "I shot some guy and stole his horse so I could get here faster."  Then it hit me...God really made men differently.

I Keep Forgetting to Ask

I was reading Joshua this morning and I came upon a story I have read many times before but something struck me as I was reading through this time. Basically, the gist of the story was that after the Lord through His chosen people destroyed much of the land around Jerusalem, the leaders of Gibeon were in fear for their city and out of fear they came and fooled Joshua into thinking they were from far away.  Because Joshua thought they were from afar, he made a sort of treaty with them.  What hit me was that it said Joshua did not seek the Lord's counsel first.  After Joshua realized the truth, it was too late because he had already given his word.  I sat there thinking, wow, how much do I do without seeking His counsel.  Pretty much everything.  I seek God's blessing for large purchases or big decisions.  Although I seek his blessing for my plan, not His counsel for the decision I should make.  I realized how much I do on my own and then when my plans go off without a hitch I give God the glory.  It hit me how backwards my decision making process has been!  I need to seek the Lord for seemingly small decisions or plans as well.  Sometimes, I know I don't because I know what His answer will be and I don't want to hear.  If I listened though, I know I would be a much better wife and mother because of it. 

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Learning a new way

I've been waiting for the day when Carson is more independent, able to be comforted by others. Well the day is here and even though I'm happy to have a little more freedom, my heart hurts badly. This morning he left to run errands with Grandma. He was so excited, he ran out of the house without needing a hug or kiss. So I of course chased him down and gave him one. This is probably how it is going to be from now on and I'm mourning the loss of his babyness. He's also presently weaning and I know that has a lot to do with it. I tried weaning him awhile ago and he got so upset we put weaning on hold. Now, he's ready. He's barely made a wimper when I've told him all gone. I'm grateful for how smooth it is going because it was important to me to wait u till he was ready, but I miss our times in the evenings of cuddling on the couch, his toddler body squished in my lap while I play with his hair, rub his face and stare into his eyes. The whole time he smiles at me and continues to nurse. Those moments are now over and we have to find a different way to bond. It's now the big boy way of running around and playing cars together. Going outside and discovering different flowers. Helping me do chores around the house. We still cuddle at the end of the day to wind down but it's very different. His method of nurturing is no longer from my body. Even though one day we will have another child that I get to experience this bond with again, that child won't be Carson. Carson and I are entering into a new chapter with equal parts joy and sadness. Time is going by too fast. I have savored and will continue to savor every moment, yet it's not enough. Oh how I wish we could go back and start again. That's part of life though and I'm going to move forward the way Carson needs me to and I will continue to enjoy every moment of it.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Return of a decent bedtime?

Carson fell asleep before 8 tonight.  It was exactly 7:56 when his heavy lids closed.  Just had to share the great news!  We've been dealing with Carson running around like a crazy child until 9:30/10ish before he would finally crash.  That's been going on for the last two weeks.  Maybe he just had using the potty on his mind? I've heard that right before developmental milestones children have a hard time sleeping.  Whatever the reason, this is such a relief that maybe the tide has turned and we can once again resume our 8pm bedtime.  Josh and I have been missing our alone time together. 

Alright, that's all for now folks.  I'm logging off and then dancing with joy around the house! 

Potty Training

Yesterday, Carson ran up to me pulling off his pants and saying "on."  My response was "on what honey."  He looked at me with his big brown eyes that said please mom listen to my desperate plea.  Finally, I realized (tugging on the pants) that he wanted on the potty.  Except I was in total shock because we have never initiated any potty training with him.  I helped him with getting his pants off and sitting on his little potty that  just a few days earlier we pulled out of storage.  Since then he has refused to keep a diaper on, except for night time (thank goodness).  He seems too young to be doing this but  I'm going with the flow here, hehehehe.   It has been emotional.  We were so not prepared.  I wasn't even going to start introducing the potty until he was 2.  I just assumed boys potty trained later.  It makes him seem so grown up. This may just be a false start though, but we will be supporting him in this endeavor despite the mess.   He practically peed over every inch of our house today (yay for hard wood floors).   I finally ran out and bought some training pants so he can stay covered.  We do also live in an adult family home and I'm not sure how much the residents or nurses appreciate a naked toddler running around.  It did make me wish we had our own private home again because then he could, but the training pants are a good compromise.   He knows when he gets the sensation to go so we pull his pants down really quick and he'll sit there for 3 seconds or so, stand up, and then pee (or poop) on the floor.  Oy vey.  It's a lot of work, but I am excited.  Josh likened this process to having a puppy.  Which we hate puppies.  They are cute but we prefer the older variety of dog that comes pre-potty trained.  I know this is going to test our patience.  Especially since he is so young.  Although, it will be a nice payoff if this really is the real thing.  

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Our Great Adventure

Yesterday was our day off and will be our only day off for over a 10 day stretch so we wanted to make the most of it.  Josh and I went on a date in the late morning to see Eclipse.  I thought it was a little short but still loved it and it was fun getting out with the hubby.  We weren't sure if we would be able to since Carson has had hand, foot, and mouth disease for the last week.  It sounds terrible but has actually been a pretty simple virus.

Then we had lunch with Josh's parents and after hanging out awhile, I convinced Josh that going on a small hike with Carson would be really fun.  Hiking and really anything outdoors is one of my passions and I'm constantly begging Josh to go on a hike with me.  It's not something he's really interested in so it sort of happens once in a blue moon.  We usually compromise with some sort of other activity.  But with Carson involved, experiences like hiking are good for his development, right?  Well, we went to a simple place that I used to go a lot and it always felt fake to me.  Very mapped out and not "real" hiking.  When we went yesterday evening we were planning on just being up in the woods for 20 mins or so.  We didn't have a whole bunch of time because we had to be back home by 8pm.  So off we went up the mountain.  We were trying to hike a trail that would take us in a small circle and back to the other side of the park where we started.  Unfortunately things had declined considerably at this hiking location.  The clearly defined trails were grown over and the signs that let you know where the trail heads were located were worn off.  I was the ring leader and of course I missed the trail back to the park.  So we hike for about 40 mins and we see cars and houses.  Yay, we must be back to the parking lot....nope.  We see a street with houses, but we had no idea where we were.  I hear Josh's strong voice behind me "so, where are we Carrie." My response was "don't know." So we start taking a trail back and then we started using little trails trying to find our way back and when the trails would end, we'd panic. (This is when legible signs would have been very helpful).   I heard "I'm going to kill you" uttered by Josh a few times as we stomped through the forest floor until we found another trail.  We were running out of time.  Had we done this in the early morning, it would have been no big deal.  But we were in flip flops with no water or food.  Again, it was supposed to be a 20 min hike with Carson which really means leisurely stroll.  We also had no baby carrier with us so Carson was propped up on Josh's shoulders getting hit in the face with shrubbery and branches.  At one point, headlines were flashing through my mind of an ill-prepared family getting lost in the woods.  Finally, after 30 more mins of hiking we found a place we could get out to the street.  There was no trail and we scaled down some rocks and walked about 3/4 a mile on the sidewalk until we finally found our car.  We had planned to get milk shakes after our hike, but the stress of the event diminished the desire for one. We stopped for ice cream anyway but I really could have skipped it and there was no enjoyment while I ate it.  Very disappointing.   It will probably be quite awhile before I will be able to convince Josh to go hiking again.  It did break my heart that these once busy hiking trails were so neglected and barren.  Josh kept whispering to me how this is where all the creepy people hang out.  I thought yeah right, this is a family place and you might occasionally see someone creepy, but that's every where.  Well, while we were following deer trails we stumbled across a guy that had no shoes on and was just standing in the woods.  Okay, that was a little weird.  I do hope that it becomes a place for families again and that maybe someone would pay the place a little more attention.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Better late than Never

I did not do my grateful Friday list yesterday and the week before.  I'm so bad!  Oh well, last night we enjoyed time as a family so you can hardly blame me. 

My list of these last couple weeks:

1.  I am grateful that we were able to travel to the Seattle area and back safely and that Kristen's wedding went so well.
2.  I am grateful that the flu bug Carson had Wednesday only lasted one night and that he only threw up once.  Also, that nobody else caught it.
3.  I am grateful that I have a husband who loves being a dad and has been very involved with Carson lately.
4.  I am grateful for our present employment and that we are loving it so much.
5.  Lastly, I am grateful for health.  I have a ways to go, but I could be much worse.  

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Carson was a Sickie Ickie Last Night

Last night Carson started to get a little lethargic.  He had missed his nap so it wasn't completely out of character but then I realized he was just sort of sacked out in my lap and starting to feel a little warm.  My mommy-sense started tingling.  We were supposed to be leaving for a date in less than 20 mins and I still had to get ready but I couldn't move.  "He's sick" I kept saying over and over.  Josh was dumbfounded.  He kept retorting, "he's tired, let's just bring him over to my mom's and he can sleep on her lap."  I still couldn't move my only response being, "I really think he's sick honey."  Josh once again looked at us in disbelief.  His expression saying where did this come from?  Only a half an hour before he had been running around the house as usual.  Finally, I say I think he has a fever.  Josh grabs the thermometer and he did in fact have a low grade fever, but he gets those sometimes when he's overheated.  So for Daddy's sake, I took Carson's shirt off, but then he started shivering.  That confirmed it for me...he was sick and not overheated.  Josh was still in disbelief because to him, Carson seemed just fine.  So I stood up and without warning Carson christened our brand new carpet with vomit.  Which of course went all over the both of us.  My husband is awesome and despite the fact that just a minute earlier he was an unbeliever, he quickly flew into action and started cleaning the mess up.  We stripped down and jumped in the shower and the rest of the evening my poor little guy snuggled in my lap, unable to go to sleep and too tired to move until he finally was comfortable enough to crash.  We had a long night since his fever didn't break until about 6ish this morning and once that happened he was completely back to normal.  Josh slept in the living room this morning so the first words out of Carson's mouth when he awoke was, "where's Daddy."  I had to contain him from leaping off the bed.  We hurriedly got dressed and met Daddy upstairs and Carson has been running around the house ever since. 

I am very thankful that this seemed to have been very short lived!   The last few times Carson has had the flu, he threw up all night long.  Considering we now have an all-carpeted living area instead of wood floors, I really appreciated that.  I'm hoping he stays better from here on out.  I'm also thankful that God equips us mother's with intuition.  I'm glad I'm not constantly blindsided.  I felt like I had a little heads up, which was very nice!