Thursday, May 6, 2010

Happy dissapointment?

I took a pregnancy test last night and it was...negative :(. The exciting news is that the hubby was disappointed.  It probably doesn't sound exciting, but to me it was!  It let me know that he is ready for another blessing and that's exciting.  I'd much rather wait and have him share in the joy!  He would have been excited either way.  A new life is always exciting, but now he gets to share in my anticipation.  I'm looking forward to that.  All it took was one little test.  I'd taken them before, but this time it was different.  He tried to sound upbeat for me (he knows that I get disappointed) but I could detect a change in his voice.  Then he actually opened up to me that the idea of another baby is pretty neat.   

After Carson's difficult pregnancy and birth, he has been timid about taking the plunge again.  For me, I had mommy amnesia almost immediately and was ready for #2 before we had the go ahead to be intimate again.  What morning sickness!?  I was hospitalized because of that twice, really!? wasn't so bad was it?  Josh used to just give me the "are you crazy" look.  For moms, once you hold that sweet little life in your arms, it makes every little struggle worth it.   I'm sure it's much different for the husbands. Josh was the one watching me throw up all over myself constantly at home and in public.  I'll never forget Josh trying to hold me upright as I held a sack to my face in front of Home Depot.  The urge would happen so fast! I kept little sacks in my purse just for those occasions. Then there was the passing out cold in our driveway during a yard sale.  Yup, that was embarrassing, but I was caught and brought to the ground "gently" (I had bruises), no harm done though.  I woke up to my hubby's panicked face.  So sad. Then the PUPPPS.  That was probably the worst.  The last two months I spent my nights crying in the bathroom because I itched so bad.  At 2am Josh would sweetly prepare me an oatmeal bath before crawling back in bed.  Can't forget the insomnia either.  Don't know what caused that, but I couldn't sleep for the majority of my pregnancy.  I would get so bored in the middle of the night from laying there wide awake that I would start waking Josh up to talk. I would hit him and then wait a second and ask if he was awake.  So terrible! (I don't think he knew I did that..hehehe) Instead of responding to my attempt at a conversation, he would roll over and sweetly play with my hair and massage my back until I finally drifted off.  I'm giggling as I type this.  It's funny now.  No wonder he was reluctant to have another!  All these little experiences really showed me how deeply I am loved by my husband. Then the birth...that's not really funny.  We have our blessing and it was an insane learning experience.  It's called learning the hard way, but it does make me excited for the next one because I know sooooo much more now. Although from Josh's perspective, he had to watch his wife suffer.  I can see why he wasn't ready to go through that again.  Time heals all though and now that Carson's favorite thing to do is play firetrucks with Daddy, his amnesia is kicking in as well.

1 comment:

  1. Carrie - you are amazing...and so very courageous! Praise God for "mommy amnesia" right?! ;)